Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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