Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
