Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
