When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
