youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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