I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
