to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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