You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
this will be a night to untag.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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