is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't turn off my feet"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
