I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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