Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
