they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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