This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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