Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
