I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
