Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
