I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize