Pants 0. Shit 1.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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