This girl is more easily done than said...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We need to rekindle our bromance
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
