Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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