If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
