hell yes lets make some ravioli
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
