I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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