If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also, beer. Big fan.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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