you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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