My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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