I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
