Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
