i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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