you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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