As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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