I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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