i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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