I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
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So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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