its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize