I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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