I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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