Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
