Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
