Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
