Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize