I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
