Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
