just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
