So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
