The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
