Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
