Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
