4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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