i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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