Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
3pm strippers are depressing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
