That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
