good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
