I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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