I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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