i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
