there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
