I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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