yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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