Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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