I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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