There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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