The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
