bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I forget how to act sober
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
